Marriage, Partnership, and the Disappointment No One Talks About
How deeply do we all long to be loved?
In my work as a therapist, I’ve seen that beneath the arguments, the miscommunications, the distance, most people simply want to feel cherished, seen, and safe in love. Relationships are where our deepest desires and our most unhealed wounds collide. And often, marriage becomes the place where both are exposed.
Ideally, we grow up with caregivers who model unconditional love. This love becomes the foundation for how we relate to others and, ultimately, to God. But for many, that foundation is cracked, or never laid. Emotional neglect, spiritual confusion, physical harm, or conditional love from our upbringing make it hard to trust others, ourselves, or even a loving Heavenly Father.
Unrealistic Expectations, Wounded Foundations
In addition to the emotional and relational damage we may carry, our culture bombards us with romantic fantasies, fairy tale endings, movie script proposals, and perfect chemistry. Little girls grow up believing that Prince Charming will rescue them from loneliness and struggle. Boys are sold a dream of a woman who will meet every need, make life effortless, and expect little in return.
Reality, of course, is far messier. After the dream wedding and exciting honeymoon, life shows up: crying babies, bills to pay, sleepless nights, and competing needs. Without a model for healthy, godly relationships or the internal security of being deeply loved by God, partners start to panic. They fight to preserve what feels like it’s slipping away.
When Couples Finally Reach Out for Help
By the time many couples enter therapy, the communication patterns are deeply entrenched and often destructive. They’ve waited until things feel desperate. Arguments have become routine. Hope feels thin.
Healing at this stage takes more than tools and techniques. It takes Holy Spirit-led intervention, deep listening, a safe space, and the willingness to confront disappointment with honesty and compassion.
Both partners must be willing to look inward to name their hurts, own their anger, voice their unmet needs, and grieve their expectations. This kind of vulnerability is scary. But it is also sacred.
The Turning Point: Surrender and Ownership
Here’s the truth: The love we long for, the kind that heals, anchors, and sets us free, was never meant to be fully found in another human being.
That realization can be heartbreaking. It can also be the doorway to true freedom.
When even one partner raises the white flag of surrender, not in defeat, but in recognition that perfect love can only be found in Christ, something powerful happens. The pressure lifts. The blame shifts. The need to be “everything” for each other dissolves.
This surrender opens the door for a new kind of connection. One where love is not demanded but offered. Where vulnerability is not punished but met with compassion. Where healing doesn’t come from fixing the other but from allowing God to restore what was broken in each person’s heart.
From Disappointment to Deep Connection
No, your spouse will never be perfect. Neither will you. But when both partners begin to take ownership of their healing and seek wholeness in Christ, the marriage becomes a space of grace instead of disappointment.
From that place, even the smallest “asks” a kind gesture, a heartfelt apology, or an honest effort can rebuild trust and move you back into connection.
The journey isn’t easy. But it’s holy. And it’s worth every step.
